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This page is dedicated to the greatest action movie hero of all time:
Dolph Lundren.
Dolph should run for president because he would be a awesome at it. His versatility
is unmatched, he can be a russian boxer, a teacher, a cop who fights aliens,
a cop who fights the yakuza, a renegade cop who fights yakuza, a land mine specialist,
a stealth fighter pilot, or one of various other military positions.
No matter his role, Dolph provides an award worthy, ass kicking performance.
Here is a list of dolph movies I own.
Showdown in Little Tokyo
This is the first dolph movie I bought, and it is amazing. Dolph, steeped
in eastern traditions, plays a cop who kicks the crap out of like
a billion yakuza. The best scene is where he rescues a girl, throws
her over his shoulder and walks through a wall, then lifts a car
with one hand, drives off in a convertible and then turns around
to shoot the gas tank of the lifted car to cover his escape. The
end even has a sweet sword fight with Dolph dressed in his traditional
karate outfit (headband included).
Sweepers
About half of Sweepers is a flashback of Dolph's son Johnny getting
blown to bits by a land mine. Personally I think any kid that flees into a mine
field deserves to explode, but Dolph is much too sensitive to agree. If you
watch the trailer you can basically watch the entire movie, including how the
final bad guy dies. Sweepers is awesome and I recommend it to anybody that liked
other classics including Braveheart, Saving Private Ryan, Driving Miss Daisy,
and Casablanca.
The Punisher
Holy crap this movie is sweet. Dolph beats the bajesus out of the yakuza
and lives naked in the sewers. My favorite scene is when he pulls a crossbow
out of nowhere and shoots a rope dragging bolt through a person and into a van,
then Dolph rides down the rope and shoots like 5 more guys with an automatic
weapon while sliding. He also kills like 40 guys holding swords in about 3 seconds
with a machine gun. The Punisher has the highest kill count of any of the Dolph
movies, and it's so realistic you might get traumatized from all of the violence.
Detention
The plot of Detention makes so little sense it's amazing. For some
reason bad guys want to take control of a school because it somehow goes along
with their plan to steal an armored car. Of course, it doesn't really matter
why they're doing bad things because Dolph the teacher is going to kick
their asses. The students left in the school, instead of just leaving, stick
around and help Dolph defend the building. There is a sweet scene at the end
where a handicapped student sits on the shoulders of another student, and as
the piggy backer gets shot in the chest 4 or 5 times the handicapped kid stabs
one of the bad guys in the neck. I highly recommend this movie to anybody who
is going into teaching.
I Come in Peace
I don't know why nobody made a movie about an alien that injects heroin
into humans and then sucks their brains out to use as a super
drug on his homeland before, because this movie rocks. It doesn't
matter that the alien has magical cds that automatically decapitate
an entire room because Dolph is super sweet. At the end as Dolph
kills the alien (who constantly says "I come in peace") he yells
"You come in peace, but you leave in PIECES. This movie
shows how smart and witty Dolph is, and I think he deserves an
oscar.
Bridge of Dragons
This movie is sweet because they don't bother following the normal
conventions of movie making. Things like the time period and location don't
matter, I'm pretty sure it's symbolic of how universal Dolph is. It doesn't
matter where you come from, Dolph will kick the crap out of whoever your El
Guapo is. See, Dolph is part of an Asian army that speaks english and is fighting
with Russian weapons against "rebels" who are mostly white Europeans.
They use WW2 weapons, fly modern helicopters, and sometimes ride horses. Definately
worth the $6.99 I paid for it on DVD.
I also own Cover Up, Peacekeeper, Stormcatcher, and Agent Red...but they suck even by Dolph's standards.
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